today, i overheard mom talking to sans about how i'm "changing so fast as i grow."
but this isn't far from how i was before i fell. my memories of before it happened are so hazy...
why did they do that for me? make me do all those things, give me this amazing life? i don't deserve it. i don't.
i'm not the person IT was, and i never will be. everyone can tell that. they're just pretending to still like me because of what it did. because of how important i am now.
it changed me, it's part of who i am today. the things that happened weren't completely out of my influence. but at the same time... i feel like i'm hiding who i REALLY am.
i look in the mirror into those creepy eyes and i just get this pit in my chest. what is wrong with me? i'm lying to all of them, every single day. i hate it, but i'm so scared of stopping.
lately, when i go to sleep at night, i feel like something's there... not standing over me, but... floating with me, in space.
getting closer every night... i feel it pulsing and glowing, even though i can't see it. it feels just like when i fell. the presence of someone else, hanging onto my soul... maybe it's even getting glimpses into this world already.
if it comes back, and controls me again... that must mean something big's going to happen. i don't know if it's wishful thinking, but... if that really is true...
i'll be ready this time.